How To Make The Greatest Gaming Site Ever, In 3 Easy Steps

Introduction
Some of you are probably sitting at your computers right now, jaws flapping loosely as you browse this, the greatest gaming site ever. Your mind may be reeling at the audacity of the concept, the stunning execution, the primal beauty inherent to such purity. I know mine is. Fear not! This is no trick, no illusory phenomenon crafted to deceive your eyes and break your heart. Great wizardry was required to set the foundation for this project, a foundation of class and character set forth by the convocation of the Founders. Do not let doubts trouble you, even as I reveal to you our greatest secrets:

     1) You too can make the greatest gaming site ever, and

     2) It'll be easy.

Follow me, then, as I impart the secrets of the cosmos. Your screen may burst and catch ablaze in sheer terror at being forced to convey such dark and terrible secrets, but such is a small price to pay. We begin, as all great enterprises do, with an idea.

Step 1: Ideas
So, what are ideas? I know when I first heard the term, I though they must be rodents of some sort, or perhaps rare types of scabs. I was mistaken, but I have learned much since then, and do not make mistakes any more. No! Ideas are, simply put, things you think about. Write that down; you'll thank me later. This morning I had an idea about food; specifically, that I was going to eat it. You may have had a similar idea. This illustrates one of the most important characteristics of ideas: ideas are not unique. It's sad, but true. Somewhere, somehow, someone else may have thought of your idea. Bear this in mind when making your very own The Greatest Gaming Site Ever.
We come up with ideas using a method I like to call brainstorming, and we'll talk about that next.

Brainstorming
Now let's talk about brainstorming. Brainstorming is a method you (or anyone!) can use to come up with ideas and write them down. Write that down. Brainstorming is best enacted with friends, fellow citizens, spouses, and sometimes children (it makes them feel appreciated, and you can just pretend to write their ideas down). You never know; someone you're familiar with might have an interesting idea. It's never happened to me, but there's a first time for everything.

A successful brainstorming session requires three (3) things:

1. a comfortable place to sit, such as a couch or a jacuzzi [Ed: a private jet or someone's private lap are also suggested]


2. snacks, like soda, or martinis


3. something to write on; paper, the back of your hand, the back of someone else's hand, all are acceptable options

Once you're all settled in, I suggest following the procedure used by the TTS Founders:

1. Shout out your ideas, one at a time


2. Shout over ideas you don't like


3. Repeat 1-2 as desired

A successful brainstorming session is over when the drinks are gone. Not before, not after. When. Remember this. The third brainstorming session of the Founders continued for nearly an hour after the vodka fountain ran dry, and things were said that can never be unsaid. To this day, most of the Founders only speak to each other through proxies.
Once your brainstorming session is peacefully concluded, it's time to move on to the next phase in step 1, Design, where we will talk about the look, feel, and general style of your Greatest Gaming Site Ever.

Design
Design is, simply put, putting things simply. A successful site doesn't need zazz for zazz's sake. First and foremost, think about your user. Are they above or below average intelligence? Do they know how to use a mouse? Do they know the difference between a web site and a web page? The answer to all of these is probably no. You'll need to hold their hand a little bit. This is okay! Holding hands is fun! Cooties were eradicated many years ago, and heebie-jeebies have been demonstrated to be little more than myth.
Your users don't know about your cleverly-designed file structure, brilliant class hierarchy, or impressive security features, and they don't care. What they care about is finding what they're looking for (or finding something worth looking at) within 2 or 3 seconds. Maybe less. So don't waste those precious moments with whiz-bang flashtastic mind-trip-y goodness, 'clever' layout schemes, or unique color palettes. Unless your website is about unique color palettes, 'clever' layout schemes, or whiz-bang flashtastic mind-trip-y goodness.
Show the user how to find what they want, then get out of their way; you don't want to get trampled.

Content
Bad design will kill your website, your soul, and your dog. Good content can save you, provided your users enjoy pain, but good design will never make up for bad content. Content rules all. If your website is THE AWESOME in terms of visual appeal, UI design, and standards-compliance, great! You've created a superb tech demo. But if you want to make The Greatest Site Ever, you need content: articles, videos, downloads, whatever. This content may be created by you, a third party, even the users themselves, but your site must have content.
Long ago, when The Society was but the twinkle in the Founders' eyes, the subject of Content was discussed at length. TTS would have it all: audio, video, games, utilities, articles. Later in the planning stages, we decided that perhaps being the end-all be-all of gaming was too lofty a goal. We didn't actually change any of our plans in response to this realization, but that's not the point. The point is, have a goal and pursue it until death takes you. Or until bills start arriving and you have to quit writing articles and start writing checks. And get a job. Again, not the point. Everything you need to know can be summarized thusly:

1. Have content. Without it, you're dead.


2. Have a goal. Without it, you're aimless.


3. Pursue that goal, daily if possible. Otherwise nothing will ever get done, and your site will slip into the obscurity from whence it came.


4. Convey that goal to your users in a clear and concise fashion. Avoid using terms like 'concise,' 'thusly,' 'eradicated,' and 'job.' They make people uncomfortable and they make you sound like a smartass.

Follow this advice and your site will rock. Ours does, so it obviously worked.

Next up, People! People make more people, and those people will love your website!

Step 2: Putting It All Together
So you have a great idea (probably not as great as this one, but we all have to start somewhere), you have a satisfactory design, and you have some content to launch your site with. You're 33.3% (recurring) done! Good job. Take a break, high fives all around, and get totally smashed. Come back when you've sobered up.

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Done? Okay, let's continue. You need a few things to Put It All Together:

1. People


2. Pages


3. Panache

If you're detecting a pattern, congratulations. Have a cookie. People come up with Ideas, Pages implement your Design, and Panache sells your Content. See what I did there? Three things that are like three things we just talked about? Yeah, pretty cool. That, my friend, is panache.

People
We all know where people come from, and what they do, and where they go after they do what they do. You might be sitting at home, contemplating your awesome new website, and thinking "I'm so cool, what do I need other people for?" Now, think about this for a minute, because it's important. You're absolutely right. You don't need other people, at least in the sense that you don't need them to do anything that you couldn't do better yourself. What you do need, however, are scapegoats, and people serve admirably in this capacity. Close friends are particularly useful because you've already built up a rapport with them. They trust you, and they won't see the end coming until it's too late.
What do I speak of? Lawsuits. Death threats. Judicial oversight. All of these can be solved by the meticulous use of scapegoats. Lawsuit? "I don't handle the legal side...my advisor, Mr. Hosea, takes care of all that. You want to talk to him." Death threats? "Me? No, that wasn't me. Sometimes my friend Spooky pretends to be me and trolls on web forums. Perhaps he can answer your kneecap inquiry." Etc.
To keep your 'friends' around, however, you will need to keep them occupied. Make them believe they're contributing something to your organization. They'll work harder on whatever menial tasks you've assigned them (writing articles, drawing avatars, etc), and they'll believe themselves on equal footing for you. The benefits of this are twofold: first, they won't know what hit them, and second, by the time they figure it out, it will just look like they're desperately trying to escape conviction for their crimes by any means necessary.
In short, keep them around while they're useful. As I mentioned before, content rules, and every website needs filler.

Pages
So you have a design, and it's beautiful. It's gorgeous. You'd be making out with it right now if your printer was working, because it's the closest thing to an affectionate human touch you'll ever experience after you spent the last 6 months working on The Greatest Gaming Site Ever. What more do you need? I'll tell you. You need these things we in the biz call 'pages.' But wait, you say, shouldn't I have already done that? The answer, of course, is...maybe.
Pages are logical divisions of your website into 'categories' or 'sections' or 'cell blocks.' Downloads go here. Articles go there. Secrets go...well, I can't tell you, but a 'stash' folder can come in handy, especially if there are certain...files....or perhaps...links...that you're not comfortable keeping on your own computer. You can always blame a scapegoat. Just make sure you give at least one of your minions file access. Just don't tell them you did.
On TTS, we have a few 'pages' or 'sections.' To list a few:

Articles
Systems
Tools /Downloads
Resources / Media
Links

Each of these sections serves a particular purpose, which should be conveyed to the user by means of an expressive name (see if you can guess what's in the "Tools / Downloads" section) and, if desired, a descriptive description at the top of the page. Again, let your user know what is on the page, quickly and clearly, and then get out of their way. If there's one thing I've learned over the years, it's that people love downloads. Try not to slow them down with too many redirects, confirmations, or forms. They will have that toolbar plugin, and neither man nor beast on this green earth will stay them. Write that down. It's poetic, and you need more poetry in your soul.

Panache
Style.
Class.
'Edgy' line breaks.
Sentence fragments.

Writers, artists, creative peoples of all races and creeds...they develop, in the course of their careers, a unique style. It may be See Jane Run simple; it may be obscenely obtuse. Glaring colors vs. subtle shades. Find your style, develop it, and slay any man who tries to take it from you [Ed: TTS neither endorses nor condones murder, attempted or otherwise]. Ours is a saturated market, and you may find, one day in the midst of your slow, inevitable slide into obscurity, that a young upstart has been so 'inspired' by your technique that he or she has lifted wholesale that which made you great. What's worse, they've done it better. All I can say is...a 'humble' man retires at this point; an awesome man files a lawsuit.
Give your site an edge by making it different. Write interesting articles, don't just review existing material. Take risks. Employ weird people. It worked for us, it can work for you.


Before you go, I have a few tips. Do and Don't do these. Planning will only get you so far; there are tiny mistakes, costly missteps, and bankruptcy-inducing accounting errors to be made at every turn. In order that your site might benefit from the painful lessons of your predecessors, we've compiled our collective wisdom into this, the final step on your journey to The Greatest Gaming Site Ever.

Step 3: The Devil in the Details
Sometimes, great art goes unappreciated. For example, the works of Emily Dickinson, or cult classics like The Star Wars Holiday Special. If this happens to you, it's important that you don't give up. Everybody makes mistakes. All you need to do is be smarter next time. Tiny little details can make all the difference in determining your success, or lack thereof. Be aware of the butterfly effect and use it to your advantage. Here are some tips and tricks to help you along, but there are many more. Use your enormous brain to extrapolate.

To Do

Eat. I can't stress this enough; don't forget to eat. Yes, your work is very important, but how will the world continue to experience your genius if you starve to death? That would be stupid.
Drink. Water keeps you alive. Alcohol keeps you happy.
Be Merry. This is useful for encouraging your lackeys, although you may want to tone it down a bit when you're using them as a scapegoat for something.
Avoid Laurels. Laurels kill creativity, work ethic, and marriages. You need some of those things, so avoid laurels. They're pure poison.
Ham It Up. Don't be afraid to joke around while on the job. Suggested topics include: clowns, religion, racially sensitive issues, and genocide.
Advertise. Tell everyone you know to tell everyone they know about your The Greatest Gaming Site Ever. Or buy some ads on lesser sites.
Mix It Up. Don't get into a groove. Publishing review after review is all well and good, and also completely lame. Write zany articles. Post random pictures of your cat (people love cats!). Randomly select a member of your forums and publicly shame them for no reason. Do something fresh every day, or at least occasionally.
Be Yourself. Need I say more?
Be Someone Else. Impersonations can net you valuable information, get you out of trouble, and provide a source of cash.
Watch The Competition. Like a hawk. A friendly hawk. Competition just makes you stronger. You should appreciate your enemies for this.

To Don't

Bad grammar, spelling punctuation. Check your work. Ask someone else to check your work. Ask the computer to check your work.
Over-advertise. Ad saturation produces diminishing returns. Advertise wisely.
Over-populate your site with advertising. Pop-ups, banner ads, even inline text ads can (and often are) overused. If your site can't survive without an excessive amount of ads plastered across every inch of the user's screen, perhaps your site deserves to die a lonely death.
Stage elaborate surprises for co-workers with a history of stress-related flare-ups (anger management issues, PTSD, etc). Just don't.
Steal. It's frowned upon in our society (and by The Society, in fact), and you could get caught.
Try to be better than TTS. It's a waste of your time and ours. Know your place.

Conclusion
There you have it. Everything you need to make your very own The Greatest Gaming Site Ever. Use this knowledge wisely. Remember: Plan, then implement. Create content that will intrigue and delight, not simply relay information. Information is dull, lifeless material, and the Internet is already stuffed to the gills with it. It is astounding the sheer number of sites dedicated merely to finding 'interesting' material posted on other sites and re-posting it without adding anything new. Compiling information is all well and good, but at the end of the day, you want to create something of your own...don't you?

Now get out there and make your dreams come true. If there's any place that can happen, it's the Internet, land of exceeding wonders.